More Than Sober
by sharonflynns
Summary: Sharon's changed, ex-husband returns, but is his sobriety enough? **Shandy fan fiction** A written exploration of how things might be if Jack were to return sober.


Thirty-five years.

She sat in her office, typing away at her endless paper and forms. A victim's spouse of forty years impressed her, and thats when it hit her. Her and Jack's anniversary had been the day before, and she hadn't even noticed. It was the first year, it had completely slipped her memory. Andy had invited her over to his apartment for dinner, and they'd watched a James Bond movie afterward. At no point during work, dinner or work had she remembered that her and Jack would have been married three decades and a half. It surprised her, but relieved her at the same time. She was just one more step toward moving on.

Sharon sat across from Andy at a local salad bar, as they paced themselves through lunch, and chatted about their lives; something other than murder and robbery. Andy was just finishing one of his sarcastic jokes, causing Sharon to burst into a fit of giggles, when her phone began vibrating. "Ooh! It's Emily!" She swiped her finger across the screen quickly, and held it to her cheek.

Andy sat and listened to the two catch up, occasionally smiling toward his girlfriend, signifying he could hear what she was saying. Toward the end of the phone call her smile faded.

"Oh, before you go mom, theres something I should probably tell you."

Sharon stopped playing with her fork and looked up at Andy, with a hesitant look.

"Dad called earlier, and he's officially out of rehab."

If she hadn't been in public, or the presence of her new boyfriend, she would have spit her salad out right there. After she'd struggled to swallow, she nearly choked out, _"Rehab?!"_

Not once during their marriage, had he even uttered the word rehab. He hadn't sought any help whatsoever regarding his drinking problem, or gambling.

"Mom, I know what you're thinking, but he's actually done really well. I think he might actually come through this time. He's really tried this time mom, and I'm really proud of him."

She hated this position her children often put in her, of supportive mother, as well as scorned ex-wife. Why hadn't he considered this route during their marriage? When he would go out at night and leave her crying in her bedroom once the kids were asleep? Or when he came home one night, nearly in tears, stating they'd need to take out a second mortgage? She wanted to be angry at the jerk for taking so damn long to reach this realization, but it was obvious that her daughter was proud of her dad. She couldn't very well say what she was thinking, after she'd raised them to be better than that. Her tongue slid across her lips as she regained her composure. "Well that's very good to hear, honey."

Sharon Raydor was never a good liar, and it was obvious. "Look, mom… I know what you're thinking, and I don't blame you for being angry with him still, but can't you _try_ to be happy for him. If not for him, than for me?"

Her gaze returned to Andy, who had now stopped eating completing and was staring at her in confusion, trying to signal for an explanation. She gaze him a look, telling him she'd explain once she was off the phone.

"I'm not supposed to tell you this mom, but if I do, do you swear not to say anything?"

At this rate, she was in no position to turn down a secret, regarding her husband and his newfound sobriety. "Of course, sweetheart. What is it?"

There was silence from the other before it all came flooding out, in typical O'Dwyer gossiping fashion. "Okay, well, when Dad called we talked for about an hour, and you know he's not a man of many words, unless he's under the influence, or arguing. So I let him tell me the whole story, about why he wanted to join rehab, and how he progressed so quickly in recovering and he said it was all because of you."

Sharon's eyes flew open, and her jaw dropping nearly all the way down to her Prada shoes. _"Me!?"_

"Mom, he wants to come and make things better between the two of you! Isn't that great?!

She wasn't quite sure how to describe it, but great wasn't the first word coming to mind.

"The entire time he was in rehab he said he had our family portrait in his room, and it reminded him of what he was fighting for. It was _so_ sweet."

Once she'd regained control of her expression, she rolled her eyes at the load of crap she'd just heard.

"He said a bunch of other really sweet things too, and it made me feel like I was talking to dad. Not drunk and lousy alcoholic version, but the one that was around when I was younger."

She had to stop her daughter, before she got her hopes up, or wasted anymore of her breath. "Honey, look, I know that you're proud of your father and thats only natural, but I can't honestly say I share the same opinion. Of course I'm happy for him, that he's finally getting his life together at sixty, but that's it. Jack Raydor is my children's father and my ex-husband and that's all."

The line was quiet for a moment and Sharon felt bad about her daughter's false hope. She was worried that Ricky felt the same way. "I'm sorry honey, but my break is almost over and I'm with Andy right now. Can I give you a call later?"

"Yeah, that's fine. I'll talk to you later mom."

Sharon hated to end things there, especially after hearing the sadness in Emily's voice, but she couldn't let this new information wreck her day.

After the call was ended Sharon explained everything to Andy, except for the rekindling marriage part, and he was already heated up enough about what he knew. If anyone hated Jack Raydor more than Sharon, it was Andy Flynn. Even before they started dating, he hated the guy and everything about him. He didn't like the way he treated Sharon, or anyone for that matter. The only thing that was keeping him from knocking some sense into the asshole, was the woman that he cared so much about, to feel that way.

Once she'd managed to calm him down, he made her promise that she wouldn't let him contact her, and of course she agreed. She had no intention whatsoever to hear of him or from him. That part of her life was over, and as the man now holding her hand, clearing indicated, she was moving on.

"Rusty, it is _one_ dinner. One dinner will not hurt."

She was fixing her hair in the mirror, as Rusty freaked out in the background. "Oh yeah, well then why am I not supposed to tell Lieutenant Flynn, and why are _you_ fixing your hair in the mirror right now?"

She let out a sigh, and turned to face her son. She was acting little to casual for his liking. The man that broke into their condo, and he nearly knocked out with his mother's bedside lamp was now trying to have dinner with her and his siblings. And why wasn't he invited? Probably because Jack was afraid he's start trouble, and damn right he would. He didn't like this idea at all, and he was even more shocked when Sharon agreed to it. He could tell that deep down, she knew that it wasn't a good idea. Otherwise she would have told Andy. She tells Andy _everything._ A little too much, if you asked Rusty.

"The last I heard, you told me he was trying to sue the LAPD and had some french slut in his bed."

"Rusty! That is enough!"

Her tone had changed, and she was now in darth mom mode. He knew better than to continue, for the sake of his phone bill.

"I'm sorry, mom. All I'm saying is I think tonight is a bad idea, and you know it."

She was now getting slightly annoyed. "Rusty, we've already been through this. I'm doing this for Emily and Ricky only, and I'm not telling Andy because I don't need him worrying about something so small. It's one dinner, and that's all."

She grabbed her bag from the table, and kissed her cheek. "I know that I'm doing, you don't need to worry."

She made her way to the door, but not before reciting her usual. "I'll be home soon, please lock the door behind me and I'll text you when I'm on my way."

He rolled his eyes, a force of habit, and responded, "Okay, goodbye mom."

"Love you," She said on her way out the door.

He couldn't imagine the things he'd hear once she got home.

Dinner with Jack and their children went surprisingly well. It was almost like it was years ago. Before hell began for her, and their family. She could almost say she enjoyed herself. He still managed to make her laugh, once the awkward small talk passed rather quickly, and of course it was always good to see the children.

As soon as she twisted the key in the door, Rusty's interrogation began. He eased the questions in one at time, starting with the least destructive. "So, how was it?"

Somehow she knew her son well enough, that he'd be asking questions as soon as she walked in the door. She couldn't blame him, he'd learned it from the finest.

"It actually went really well. I enjoyed myself."

She hung her coat up and took off her boots, letting out a breath of relief she hadn't realized she'd been holding all night.

" _Enjoyed?_ Are you being generous? Please tell me it was actually awful."

"No, Rusty, it went way better than I initially assumed. Your sister was right, he is a changed man. I can't believe I'd ever come to that conclusion.

He could not believe, that Jack had managed to brainwash the whole family. And now she was just going to head to bed and act like nothing happened in the morning. He couldn't let her off the hook that easily.

"Wait. What?"

"Rusty, I know that all you've ever known is drunk and gambling Jack, but if you would have saw him when before all that, I bet you wouldn't be acting how you are right now."

He didn't need to know Jack Raydor for thirty five years, or even stand in a room with him for more than ten minutes, to know how he worked. He played everyone, and once he got busted he'd rotate to the next. "Oh, and how am I _acting right now_? Like a concerned child, that's afraid that his mother's ex-husband has brainwashed her into believing that he's not conniving snake. He's a _lawyer_ mom, you of all people should know how they work."

His attitude was almost laughable to her at this point. She had moved on past anger, and almost found it admirable how protective he had gotten of her.

She rested her hands on his shoulders and found his worried eyes. "Rusty, honey. Calm down. It's okay."

He decided he might as well gave up. He felt fatigue falling over him, and figured he could bother her about it tomorrow, when he had more energy. Usually he'd be in bed by now, but he stayed up expecting much better gossip.

He let her go to bed, after surrounding to one of her motherly hugs, and retired to his bedroom.

As she got out of her car, she couldn't believe what she was doing. He had actually convinced her to join them for lunch. She figured the first time wasn't so bad, so how could one more hurt. Afterall, it made her children happy, and wasn't causing her any stress.

She gave her last name to the hostess and was led to a table for two. Her eyebrows furrowed in confused. Shouldn't there be four chairs?

He stood once he saw her, a big grin on his face. The hostess left them alone, and the confused look on her face didn't leave. He went in for a hug but he awkwardly gestured toward the table, cutting him off. "Where's Emily and Ricky?"

"Oh," he lowered his arms, not wanting to make a bigger idiot of himself. "They called me last night and said they couldn't make it."

"Andy you didn't think to call me so we could reschedule?"

She'd caught him in his own trap. "Well, I thought it'd be nice if it were just the two of us. Just like old times. "

She smiled uneasily and wasn't sure how to respond to that. She wasn't sure how she felt about spending an entire meal with her ex-husband, and it wasn't like the old times.

He held the chair out for her, and for some odd reason she sat. It was awkwardly silent as they read over the menu, Jack occasionally recommending some low calorie dish, saying she'd like that, without realizing it was slightly presumptuous.

Once they'd ordered their meals, she no longer had the menu to use as a barrier. It was just the two of them, and an incredibly small table, that almost had their knees touching.

"Sharon, I think we should talk."

Uh oh. She always knew trouble was coming whenever he said that. The way he said it always made her cringe, and the way he said her name, as if after thirty-some years, he hadn't realized yet that it was Shar- _in_. She folded her hands on the table. "Okay."

"Well. As you know, this Friday will be one year of me being sober. I know you Sharon, and I know that you're probably skeptical but I want you to know that this time, it's for good. No bullshit."

Part of her wanted to ask him why she should trust him this time, but let him continue.

"I'm a changed man, and I want you to know that I am _so_ sorry for all the crap I put you through."

That was an understatement, but at least he wasn't making this about him like usual. She was expecting a pity party by now.

His hand reached across the table and landed on her arm, and she wanted so desperately to pull it away, but some small part of her allowed it to stay.

"Sharon, I did all this for you. Because I owe it to you. To us."

She couldn't hear anymore of this, and couldn't let him continue. She pulled her arm off the table, and took on a new attitude. "Look, Jack. I'm proud that you've made it this far, and I don't want to discourage you in anyway, but you're a little too late."

He was determined. "But it's not! We're both here right now, aren't we?"

She almost forgot how stubborn he could be. Hopefully he'd make this easier for her. "Jack, it's not just that. It's more than being sober, I don't feel that way about you anymore. I've moved on."

He managed to sneak in a few words, in between her thoughts. "I know that things have changed, but I think we can make it work. We can get back to the way things used to be. You know that I still lo-"

She held her hand up, not wanting to hear that thought finished. "Don't say that Jack. It's not worth it."

She sighed, and her hand fell to the table. "Jack, I'm with Andy now. I love Andy now, and I'm happy with him. Our ship has sailed, and it isn't coming back. We've had our run, and now its over."

His face had fell, and she could tell that she had broken him. "Look, Jack. I really care about Andy, and don't worry, he takes good care of me. I'm sorry if you've went through all this just to get me back, but this shouldn't be the reason you get sober. Of course I'll always love you, because you're my children's father, but we are divorced for a reason."

He was quiet because he knew she was right. It seems like Rusty was right, this was a mistake. She rose from her chair, and he didn't stop her.

She apologized, because she felt like that was the right thing to do, and said goodbye.

Once she was in her car, she cried. Not because she felt she'd made a mistake, but because she had just heard the words that she had waited for so long, and now they meant nothing to her. Tears fell into her lap, and she let it out because she felt she owed it to herself to stop holding it in. She had Andy, and she didn't need to worry about being alone. Andy.

She reached for her phone in her person and texted him, "Can I come over, I need a hug."

She waited a full five minutes, reading 'message delivered' over and over, before deciding to go over anyway. She knew he was home, and he wouldn't mind."

She wiped her eyes, and started the car. Once she was outside his apartment, she checked her phone was more and left it on the console, only bothering to take her purse with her.

She knocked on his door twice before he finally answered. As soon as she saw his face, she felt like breaking down all over again. A new sense of sadness washed over her. How could she keep this from his, and why did she lie?

She didn't notice until she was sitting on his couch, tears streaming down her face and on to his pillows, that he hadn't moved from the doorway. She looked up from her hands, and new something was wrong. "Andy?"

He wasn't stone cold, he couldn't ignore the fact that she was practically in pieces. "Sharon, I came by your apartment earlier after leaving about ten messages. I asked Rusty where you were and he said you are at work, but I knew that was a lie because you said you had finished your paperwork. I checked your answering machine, and after listening to all ten of my own messages, I found one from Jack, confirming lunch today, at Eve's Bistro."

As if things couldn't get any worse, they did. "Oh god, Andy I am so sorry. I can explain."

"Explain what? How you lied to me and saw him anyway, alone? Explain why you even included Rusty in this? Explain why you're seeing Jack behind my back, and show up at my doorstep, expecting me to make everything better, once you've realized the guy is an ass and you fucked up?"

She hated that she'd upset him this much, and hated that even after him knowing she hated when he swore, he did anyway. She hated that she'd made him this mad.

"Andy. I know that I messed up, and I wish I would have listened to you, but I really can't argue with you right now. You're right and I'm sorry, but I just can't right now."

She sniffled and covered her face again, unable to look him in the eye. He was so incredibly right. It was so out of character for her to betray him like that, for a man that broke her heart a million times before, and she still felt the need to give another change to. Andy deserved her loyalty far more than he deserved another chance.

She felt an arm around go around her, and lips touch her temple. It was quiet, but she knew he was showing mercy. He opened his arms and let her in, holding her tightly until her sobs subsided. "Thank you," was all she could muster.

He pulled her hands away from her face, and brought them down her lap, where he laced them in his. "I know," was all he said.

But it wasn't what she meant. "No, not just for this, but thank you for always being here. Because he never was, and I don't know what I why I felt the need to go against your wishes just to satisfy his."

He was getting over his anger, but what he knew she really needed was just to be held. So he did just that, and once the pain was gone, they would talk this through.


End file.
